Our Show Business Quotations are arranged by author name. Select the first character of the author's last name that you want to look at: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

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Tim Allen

b: Denver, Colorado, Jun 13, 1953

American. Comedian. Actor. Star of popular ABC sitcom "Home Improvement," 1991-99.

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Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn't go far didn't see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.

Men are liars. We'll lie about lying if we have to. I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.

Never comment on a woman's rear end. Never use the words large or size with rear end. Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me.

While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him seriously.

Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.

Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work, or prison.