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Milton Berle

b: New York, New York, Jul 12, 1908

"Mr. Television"; "Uncle Miltie" American. Actor. Comedian. Radio Performer, TV Personality. Vaudeville, stage performer; dominated early TV with "The Milton Berle Show," 1948-56, known for collecting colleague's jokes.


  • A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours.

  • A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, Are you comfortable? The man answers, I make a nice living.

  • A young man fills out an application for a job and does well until he gets to the last question, Who Should we notify in case of an accident? He mulls it over and then writes, Anybody in sight!.

  • I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. I'd rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far; for a might have-been has never been, but a has was once an are.

  • If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.

  • Laughter is an instant vacation.

  • Poverty is not a disgrace, but it's terribly inconvenient.

  • The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring.

  • We owe a lot to Thomas Edison -- if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight.

  • You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.

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