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| Bob Hope
A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it. A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.I do benefits for all religions -- I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.I don't feel old. I don't feel anything till noon. That's when it's time for my nap.I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned how to dance, waiting in line for the bathroom.I have a wonderful make-up crew. They're the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty. I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful. I love to go to Washington -- if only to be near my money.I thought 'Deep Throat' was a movie about a giraffe.I was the only fighter in Cleveland that wore a rear view mirror.I would have won the Academy Award
if not for one thing ... my pictures.I'm half British, half American.
My passport has an eagle with a tea bag in its beak.I'm so old they've cancelled my blood type.If you haven't got any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble.If you watch a game, it's fun,
If you play it, it's recreation,
If you work at it, it's golf.If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. It is not an optical illusion, it just looks like one.Kids are wonderful, but I like mine barbecued.Middle age is when you still believe you'll feel better in the morning.Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.My father told me all about the birds and the bees, the liar - I went steady with a woodpecker till I was twenty-one.My folks were English. They were too poor to be British. I still
have a bit of British in me. In fact, my blood type is solid
marmalade.People who throw kisses are mighty hopelessly lazy.Television is the box they buried entertainment in.The Concorde is great. It gives you three extra hours to find your luggage. The only thing chicken about Israel is their soup.The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast. [About Russia]Virus is a Latin word used by doctors to mean "your guess is as good as mine."When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor's Orphanage - he shot both his parents and moved in.When we recall the past, we usually find that it is the simplest things -- not the great occasions -- that in retrospect give off the greatest glow of happiness.You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake. |
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